The Transformative Power of Music, Activating Your Second Brain, Slowing Down Aging & the Joy of Language

This week:
The Transformative Power of Music, Activating Your Second Brain, Slowing Down Aging & the Joy of Language

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Stay Present
Bob Dylan’s Hurricane Still Timely Decades Later:
A powerful reminder of our long history of structured racism in this country- poignantly recounted by the master lyricist and story teller…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FOlV1EYxmg

“If you have to ask what Jazz is you will never know” –Louis Armstrong

 

Stay Young
5 Places Where People Slow Down Aging:
After discovering that there are longevity hot spots where people tend to live especially long, writer Dan Buettner spent over a decade locating and documenting these areas, dubbed “blue zones.” “I increasingly was interested in mysteries that dealt with the human condition,” says Buettner, a National Geographic fellow. Through that research, he found several factors that might prolong health and life for people in blue zones. “Longevity is a consequence of constant, long term little things,”
http://nautil.us/blog/-5-places-where-people-slow-down-aging?utm_source=Heleo+Newsletters&utm_campaign=a8def99fa3-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2018_12_03&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_85eb2ca8d0-a8def99fa3-217021249&mc_cid=a8def99fa3&mc_eid=126341bf5f

 

Stay Fluid
Techniques to Activate the Second Brain:
Love is in the heart, but what about the other organs?
Time to pay more attention to our bodies and not just our biceps
Neuroscience and Wisdom Traditions exploring new models to give us health and energy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kaefdiE4ovk

 

Stay Teachable
This Grammar Fanatic Wants To Start A Conversation About Language:
Jovin who sets up her table in the middle of the city every week, has helped a wide variety of people — from a young girl from El Salvador writing a college application essay, to a woman angered by others’ use of the word “none.” Above all, though, Jovin wants people to know her grammar table is a friendly one — and there are no grammar police.
https://www.wbur.org/hereandnow/2018/12/12/grammar-table-new-york-city

 

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Stay Inspired
Jacob Collier Makes Staggering, Complex Music Feel Effortless:
Insights into Maximalism for those who use art to advance humanity…
https://www.npr.org/2018/12/12/675594631/jacob-collier-makes-staggering-complex-music-feel-effortless

 

Thanks this week go to Hillel K for his joy playing Hurricane, Marlaine C for advancing the mandatory curriculum with Parenting 2.0, and you for reading and caring!

Please pay it forward with purpose
Love,
Neville

Follow me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/NevilleB108
Follow me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nbillimoria

“You Rise By Lifting Others.” – Robert Green Ingersoll

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How to Recognize a Dystopia and What To Do About It

This week:

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Advice From The Beatles:

As my buddy Greg B shared with me, “each member of the Fab Four held a different harmonic of Divine vibration, which made the “chord” they made together all the more rich and powerful”:
Paul = Love
John = Peace
George = Freedom
Ringo = Joy
If you think about this for a bit, it makes total sense…12.07.18-2

Diseases of Despair:
The disease killing (white) Americans goes way deeper than opioids…
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2017/03/24/the-disease-killing-white-americans-goes-way-deeper-than-opioids/?utm_term=.62b3fc00b30b

Join the ‘Inner Peace Corps’:
We are the American family, and many of us are hurting and feeling isolated, lonely and scared.
Let’s step up. Let’s serve one another. Let’s be friends…
https://www.nbcnews.com/better/health/maria-shriver-americans-step-join-inner-peace-corps-thanksgiving-ncna938121

Getting Beyond a Single Bottom Line:
Here is a short segment on CW8 with yours truly focusing on business as a force for good in our community
https://vimeo.com/304052216/77f9b4fabc

Thanks this week go to Kaiyoze B, NPR/KPBS, the Conscious Leaders Collective, and the Mission Fed team that strive to behave into our values everyday…

Wishing you and your family all the hope, wonder and joy the holiday season can bring!

Stay Purposeful.
Love,
Neville

Follow me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/NevilleB108
Follow me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nbillimoria

LOVE is our Soul Purpose”

Week of Giving Tuesday 2018: Love @ Work, Gratitude & Generating Hope

This week:

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THE “G” IN THANKSGIVING with Ed DeR:
For a variety of reasons, I have been reading about the “power” of engaging in the “habit” of expressing gratitude in what one says and what one does. I thought that this would be an appropriate topic for this month—celebrating Thanksgiving Day.

Robert A. Emmons, Ph.D., the world’s leading scientific expert on gratitude, writes: “You literally cannot overplay the hand of gratitude; the grateful mind reaps massive benefits in every domain of life that has been examined so far. There are countless ways in which gratitude could pay off in the workplace (and in homes and schools.).”

Studies have shown that people who experience gratitude have more positive emotions (joy, love, happiness) and exhibit fewer negative emotions (bitterness, envy, resentment.) The “gratitude experience” also contributes to feelings of connectedness, relationships, and better physical health.

Amy L. Eva, Ph.D., the associate education director at the Greater Good Science Center, writes that “you can’t teach gratitude practices in a vacuum—especially to teens….Teens tend to respond more positively to lessons and activities that help them understand themselves and connect with peers….”
In her article, “How to Teach Gratitude to Tweens and Teens,” she cites a special curriculum that offers insights for authentically nurturing gratitude in students (Greater Good Science Center’s website). Dr. Eva writes that there are three key ways to teach gratitude to children and youth.

  1. Exploring identity. Identity development remains the central developmental task for adolescents, and this curriculum helps facilitate that by allowing students to explore their character strengths (e.g., traits like honesty, curiosity, perseverance, humility.)
  2. Capitalizing on strengths. A gratitude curriculum that builds on strengths is a wonderful counter to focusing on students’ perceived deficits.
  3. Building positive relationships. Once they know their strengths, students can leverage them to connect more deeply with others and to do good—in school and beyond.

Two of the first researchers to study gratitude among youth were Jeffrey Froh (Hofstra University) and Giacomo Bono (CSU-Dominguez Hills). They have worked with thousands of children and adolescents across the United States. In a recent study they found “that teens who had high levels of gratitude when entering high school had less negative emotions and depression and more positive emotions, life satisfaction, and happiness four years later when they were finishing high school. They also had more hope and a stronger sense of meaning in life.”

Researchers Froh and Bono note that there are some specific practices that teachers can use in their classrooms.

Here are two examples:
One practice is keeping a gratitude journal. “We asked middle school students simply to list five things for which there were grateful daily for two weeks, and we compared these students to others who were writing about hassles in their life or basic daily life events….Most significantly, compared to the other students, gratitude journalers reported more satisfaction with their school experience immediately after the two-week period, a result that held up even three weeks later.”

Another practice is what they call the gratitude visit. In this exercise they had students “write a letter to someone who had helped them but whom they’d never properly thanked; the students read their letter to him or her in person, then later discuss their experience with others who also completed a gratitude visit.”

I found three excellent resources for helping teach and nurture gratitude. The first—check out the ideas described in the “Gratitude Works Program” sponsored by the National Association of School Psychologists (www.nasponline.org). A second excellent resource, offered by The Greater Good Science Center, is “Nurturing Gratitude from the Inside Out: 30 Activities for Grades K-8 “in which the curriculum includes 30 activities for grades K–8. For a third informative and useful resource, visit characterlab.org/gratitude for a 14-page booklet on the “Why & How” and several instructional activities.

I’ll end this blog with a strategy that you, as the teacher, can modify to meet your and your students’ needs and interests. I like sharing quotes with students and others. So let’s call this November activity: “Gratitude Quotes Month.”

Activity: Gratitude Quotes Month

There are four full weeks in the month. Let’s assume that the third week—the week that includes Thanksgiving Day—will be a “no school” week.

  • Each week students will discuss three quotes.
  • Have them read the quotes and tell a little about the author of each quote.
  • Reflect on the quotes—share what the quotes mean with others.
  • Rewrite the quotes in their own words—draw them, practice them, write about what happened after they tried them.
  • Discussion their experiences in class near the end of each week.

Here are the quotes for the first full week of the month, November 5th – November 9th:

  1. Gratitude and attitude are not challenges; they are choices. – Robert Braathe
  2. The discipline of gratitude is the explicit effort to acknowledge that all I am and have is given to me as a gift of love, a gift to be celebrated with joy. – Henri J.M. Nouwe
  3. What separates privilege from entitlement is gratitude. Brené Brown

Quotes for the week of the November 12th – November 16th:
There’s no such thing as too much gratitude. The more of it you express, the more reasons you’ll be given to express it. Mike Dooley

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it. –William Arthur Ward

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others. –Cicero

Thanksgiving Day Assignment, Thursday, November22nd

  • Have student make a list of the things they did with family and friends that show or demonstrated the virtues of ‘kindness,” “thankfulness” and “gratitude.”
  • Ask them to bring their list to class next week for a discussion.

For the last week of the month, November 26th – November 30th, have students share the results of their Thanksgiving Day assignment and the following two quotes.

At times, our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.” – Albert Schweitzer

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” – President John F. Kennedy

Ed DeRoche, Director, Character Education Resource Center, USD
NOVEMBER 2018 BLOG

 

Love @ Work December 5th from 11:30 to 1:30:
I know some of you could use a bit more love at work so if you are local, here is an invitation to support you and your love for and at work!

I know these folk personally and can vouch for the power of their experience and message and hope to see you there…

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Register Now!

WHEN:  December 5th, 2018 | 11:30 AM – 1:30 PM

LOCATION: 
Corporate Alliance
9540 Towne Centre Drive, Suite 150
San Diego, CA 92121

Special Discount for Chamber of Purpose members.
Use Registration Code:  COPFRIEND

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Dear Purposeful Professional,

Does love belong in business? Do you love@work? How does love@work work? With compelling stories and practical tips, this unusual and lively panel session will challenge you to think different about love at work, and inspire you to be love at work. Every day of our lives we can demonstrate our love for so many things, why not at work? In non-profits, traditional businesses, tech companies, creative agencies, and even in prison, love@work is the only virtue that will shift toxic, self-focused cultures with siloed mindsets into highly functioning organizations. In fact, love@work is at the core of the solution to many of our business challenges. In the session you will learn how love@work can help your bottom line, manage conflict more effectively, improve employee engagement and enhance your business overall.

OUR PANELIST:

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After 20+ years in business solving cancer, access to electricity and education challenges, Mariette founded Brilliance Inside in October’17, after discovering the mechanisms of turning our society’s cycle of violence into one of transformation and healing. She runs 5 programs inside Donovan prison. This unlikely journey for an Ivy League and Berkeley MBA graduate started with organizing a successful TEDxDonovanCorrectional, transforming “societal throwaways” into a high-performance team.

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Dr. Moshe Engelberg is a consultant, speaker, and author. He is now inspiring good organizations to bring love back into business for better results. Moshe helps leaders think different and be courageous and on purpose. Moshe founded and leads the boutique strategy firm ResearchWorks to help companies in the health space improve their performance. Clients include Philips Healthcare, Kaiser Permanente, AARP, CDC, and others. Moshe earned his doctorate from Stanford University in Communication.

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Chef Michael Antonorsi has always had a love for chocolate and over time has been able to share that love worldwide through Chuao Chocolatier.

Michael‘s mission is to share joy with the world through deliciously engaging chocolate experiences. He and his brother opened their first chocolate café in Encinitas, CA., in 2002 and named it Chuao as a nod to the legendary cacao-growing region, reflecting their heritage and commitment to Fair Trade Certified cacao and premium ingredients.

Over time Michael has earned many awards and accolades, one of which was being named a 2016 Top 10 Chocolatier in North America by Dessert Professional Magazine.

PANEL MODERATOR:

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Mr. Dixon has extensive experience in varied approaches, tools and activities in Alternative Dispute Resolution, Mediation and Facilitation, including community and corporate facilitation. He provides a wide range of facilitation and conflict management strategies to both non-profit and private sector clients including San Diego Neighborhood Prosecution and Collaborative Courts Unit-Office of the City Attorney.

Register Now!

Would You Be Able To Generate Hope So Young Women Who Have Been Sexually Exploited Can Work Through Their Deep Trauma And Discover A Healthy, Purpose-Filled Life?

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Arbonne-Generate Hope-Rady's

My Arbonne Team is dedicated to supporting young women in trauma at Rady Children’s Hospital & hospitalized children and their families at Rady Children’s Hospital this Holiday Season.  Generate Hope provides safety, community, and individualized, life-skills support, so young women who have been sexually  exploited can work through their deep trauma and discover a healthy, purpose-filled life.  Rady Children’s Hospital works extensively with children in high-risk health situations.  Their programs and therapies provide children and their families with the highest quality care.  Some of these children are currently hospitalized, and will continue to be through the holiday season.

Our hope, in partnership with YOU, is to provide a Freedom Bag to every young woman that enters Generate Hope, and a Holiday Care Gift to every child hospitalized at Rady Children’s Hospital.  A donation of ANY amount is gracious, welcomed, and so appreciated!  To fully fund a Freedom Bag for Generate Hope the donation is $42 .  To fully fund a Holiday Care Gift for Rady Children’s Hospital the donation is $30.  Your generosity, care, and fulfillment of this endeavor will send out blessings to hundreds!  I thank you for your support!

For DONATION INFORMATION, please contact:
Stacy Jennings – Independent Consultant and District Manager with Arbonne International:  stacyjennings03@gmail.com / Venmo: @StacyJ3

Arbonne is a company with a mission to “transform lives through pure, botanically based ingredients in scientifically tested products; a pure, healthy lifestyle; and the pure joy of helping others.
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Thanks this week go to Dr. Ed deR, the Chamber of Purpose and Love @ Work teams and Stacy J

Please pay it forward with purpose and gratitude!
Love,
Neville

Follow me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/NevilleB108
Follow me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nbillimoria

“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy;
They are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” – Marcel Proust

Your Soul Food for Thanksgiving Week 2018: Gratitude Builds Relationships, Neuroscience and Parenting, Can Gratitude Grow in Loss and Grief, MOvember, and Companies That Give Back

This week: Happy Thanksgiving and Happy Movember!

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“If you pay attention, if you notice the mini-masterpieces and refuse to take them for granted, it taps into your sense of wonder.”

How One Cup of Coffee Inspired a Journey of a Thousand Thank Yous from Heleo:
A few years ago, I started testing out a new ritual before dinner. I began to say a prayer of thanksgiving.
Well, prayer isn’t quite the right word.
I’m agnostic, verging on atheist.
So instead of thanking God, I’d thank some of the people who helped make my food a reality…
https://heleo.com/one-cup-coffee-inspired-journey-thousand-thank-yous/19485/?utm_source=newsletter_the_lift&utm_campaign=11_19_18

“What if you woke up today with only the things you showed appreciation for yesterday?”

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During Thanksgiving, a great question for all of us to ask ourselves is: “What if you woke up today with only the things you showed appreciation for yesterday?” Would that be a long list for you or a short one? Have you taken the time to thank the people in your organization who have worked hard to help achieve your organization’s goals? An attitude of gratitude is the hallmark of all great leaders.

Follow this link to an excerpt from “Why Leaders Fail” to learn more about the importance of gratitude in leadership.

No-Drama Discipline

No Drama Discipline: The Whole Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind:

Here’s how neuroscience can help you be an amazing parent- It all comes down to “connect and redirect”

  • Connect: Communicate comfort, validate feelings, listen and reflect.
  • Reduce Words: Seriously, when have lectures ever worked?
  • Embrace Emotions: All feelings are permitted; all behaviors are not.
  • Describe, Don’t Preach: “All daddy’s shoes are in the refrigerator.”
  • Involve Your Child In The Discipline: “What’s a way to express your anger that doesn’t involve anyone getting 27 stitches?”
  • Reframe A “No” Into A Conditional “Yes”: “Yes, you can watch ‘Toy Story’ for the 400th time — after mommy finishes this wonderful blog post she’s reading.”
  • Emphasize The Positive: Instead of “No whining,” try, “I like it when you talk in your normal voice. Can you say that again?”
  • Creatively Approach The Situation: “I’ll bet I can eat my vegetables faster than you can.”
  • Teach Mindsight Tools: Teach them to notice their emotions. You can’t improve how you deal with something if you’re not aware of it.

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When kids behave, things are easy. The problem is when you need to discipline them. Most parents know which methods they don’t want to use to correct their children, but aren’t as sure which methods they should use.

So what is discipline? The word comes from the Latin “disciplina” — which means “to teach.” And, in the end, that’s what we need more of. Every time a kid misbehaves it’s an opportunity to teach them valuable skills like empathy, self-control, problem-solving, and dealing with emotions.

Merely punishing kids might stop bad behavior in the short-term but without a lesson, all it teaches them is that whomever has more power gets to enforce their arbitrary rules. (Hint: this does not bode well for their future relationships.)

Yes, you want them to stop painting the toilet purple but you also want them to learn to consider the feelings of others, and build other long-term skills that will help them lead successful, happy lives. And you want them to feel closer to you after a dispute, not further away.

From No-Drama Discipline:

The research is really clear on this point. Kids who achieve the best outcomes in life—emotionally, relationally, and even educationally—have parents who raise them with a high degree of connection and nurturing, while also communicating and maintaining clear limits and high expectations. Their parents remain consistent while still interacting with them in a way that communicates love, respect, and compassion. As a result, the kids are happier, do better in school, get into less trouble, and enjoy more meaningful relationships.

So how the heck do you do all this? (No, a taser is not involved.)

You want to “connect and redirect.” This is the system recommended by Daniel Siegel, clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine, and Tara Payne Bryson, a pediatric and adolescent psychotherapist.

They are the New York Times bestselling authors of No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind.

Okay, let’s get to it…

1) Connect

If your kid is in mid-yell or mid-cry, they cannot hear what you are saying. Reread that. Get it tattooed on your body. How logical are you when you’re overwhelmed by emotion? And you expect a kid to be any different?

So immediately doling out punishments will rarely be processed and just escalate an already bad situation. You need to connect.

Connection means showing that you’re on their side – while still maintaining boundaries. You need to tune into their feelings and show them that you understand. This helps move them from reactivity to receptivity. It allows the emotion to dissipate so they can start using their thinky brain instead of their emotional brain. Connection has 4 parts:

Communicate Comfort

They cry, you yell and things get worse, not better. Sound familiar? Because it’s now a fight for power instead of a conversation. As here know, “behavior is contagious.” If you want to be in a fight, by all means, give an angry look, raise your voice and wag your index finger. If you want this to be a somewhat sane interaction, act like it is one. Communicate comfort. Make them feel safe.

Validate

How do you react when someone dismisses your feelings and tells you “stop making a big deal out of this and just calm down”? Exactly. So don’t expect a child to be any better at it. Validate their feelings — though not all their actions. They need to feel understood in order to calm down. Until the big emotions are out of their way, logic is powerless.

Listen

Your child is really angry about something. You know what always works? A really long lecture. Going on a rant to someone screaming at the top of their lungs is incredibly effective in showing them the error of their ways and getting them to calm down. No child would ever respond by tuning you out. And make sure to repeat the same points over and over. People love this, especially surly teenagers…

Um, no. They won’t process a thing until they get to talk about how they feel and you show them you understand. So listen.

Reflect

When they tell you how they feel, repeat it back to them. You want to show, not tell. If you say, “I know how you feel” they’ll reply, “No, you don’t!” If you say, “It really upset you that I wouldn’t let you build a nuclear reactor in the basement” they’ll say, “Exactly.”

After you communicate comfort, validate feelings, listen and reflect, ask yourself one question: “Are they ready to hear, learn, and understand?” If not, repeat the steps.

Whoops, actually there’s a second question to ask yourself: “Am I ready?” Because if you’re overly emotional this will not go well. They need to be calm — but so do you.

(To learn more about how you and your children can lead a successful life, check out my bestselling book here.)

Okay, so you’ve connected. Now it’s time to “redirect.” That’s an acronym because 8 more steps is a lot to remember, especially after junior decides to give the living room wall an unapproved mural. So let’s start with “R”…

2) Reduce Words

Again, listening beats lecturing. If you regularly bemoan your child’s short attention span than you should know better than to launch into an hour-long keynote on proper behavior. If it is a big issue, ask questions and guide a conversation, but don’t lecture.

From No-Drama Discipline:

We strongly suggest that when you redirect, you resist the urge to overtalk. Of course it’s important to address the issue and teach the lesson. But in doing so, keep it succinct. Regardless of the age of your children, long lectures aren’t likely to make them want to listen to you more. Instead, you’ll just be flooding them with more information and sensory input. As a result, they’ll often simply tune you out.

(To learn how to raise emotionally intelligent kids, click here.)

Alright, you’re being brief and getting to the point. What’s next?

3) Embrace Emotions

All feelings are permitted; all behavior is not. Do not insist that their emotions be rational or make sense. (If the world was always rational and made sense, you wouldn’t be having this fight and I’d be married to Olivia Wilde.)

From No-Drama Discipline:

…it’s what we do as a result of our emotions that determines whether our behavior is OK or not OK. So our message to our children should be, “You can feel whatever you feel, but you can’t always do whatever you want to do.”

(To learn how to make sure your kids have grit, click here.)

You’re being brief and accepting their feelings. Cool. Now how do you actually correct a child?

4) Describe, Don’t Preach

Parents always wonder why their kids tune them out. The answer is simple: because they know what you’re going to say and then you say it anyway.

Chances are, they know what they did was wrong. So instead of lecturing, just call attention to whatever they did: “The couch is on fire.” This is less likely to put them on the defensive or lead them to tune you out.

From No-Drama Discipline:

The natural tendency for many parents is to criticize and preach when our kids do something we don’t like. In most disciplinary situations, though, those responses simply aren’t necessary. Instead, we can simply describe what we’re seeing, and our kids will get what we’re saying just as clearly as they do when we yell and disparage and nitpick. And they’ll receive that message with much less defensiveness and drama.

(To learn the science of being a better parent, click here.)

You gave a description instead of a TED talk. Awesome. But the only way you’re really going to get them to learn anything is if they’re engaged…

5) Involve Your Child In The Discipline

This needs to be a dialogue, not summary judgment. Ask questions. Get them to suggest how the situation should be handled and you’ll organically shift into talking about right and wrong, and how other people are impacted by your child’s behavior. This is how they learn empathy and problem-solving.

From No-Drama Discipline:

Once you’ve connected and your child is ready and receptive, you can simply initiate a dialogue that leads first toward insight (“I know you know the rule, so I’m wondering what was going on for you that led you to this”) and then toward empathy and integrative repair (“What do you think that was like for her, and how could you make things right?”).
(To learn how to deal with out of control kids — from hostage negotiators — click here.)

Now it’s a conversation and they’re learning something other than why you’re a meanie. So how do you tell children “no” without a screaming match — and teach them self-control at the same time?

6) Reframe A “No” Into A Conditional “Yes”

“Yes, you can watch more TV — after dinner.” It’s not a magic spell but it’ll often meet with less resistance than a flat “No more TV.”

Obviously, some things are non-negotiable: “No, you cannot perform an appendectomy on the family dog.” But often you can phrase things with this formula and help them learn about boundaries and self-control with a lot less drama.

From here:

An out-and-out no can be much harder to accept than a yes with conditions. No, especially if said in a harsh and dismissive tone, can automatically activate a reactive state in a child (or anyone). In the brain, reactivity can involve the impulse to fight, flee, freeze, or, in extreme cases, faint. In contrast, a supportive yes statement, even when not permitting a behavior, turns on the social engagement circuitry, making the brain receptive to what’s happening, making learning more likely, and promoting connections with others.

(To learn 4 vital parenting tips, click here.)

Now you know how to say no. So how else can we discipline children — without making them hate us in the process?

7) Emphasize The Positive

Say what you want, not what you don’t want. “I need you to brush your teeth and find your backpack,” beats, “Stop messing around and get ready, you’re going to be late for school!”

And make sure to praise them when they do things you like. If every time you open your mouth only criticism comes out, what feelings do you think they’re instinctively going to associate with you? Yup.

(To learn the 10 steps to making your kids smarter, click here.)

So what’s a good way to sidestep drama altogether — and have a laugh in the process?

8) Creatively Approach The Situation

Be playful. If there’s toy on the floor where it shouldn’t be, try a dramatic pratfall instead of a stern glare. Instead of arguing about getting into the car, become a scary monster and chase them into it. With some creativity you can get your point across in a way that reduces defensiveness.

From No-Drama Discipline:

When we exercise response flexibility, we use our prefrontal cortex, which is central to our upstairs brain and the skills of executive functions. Engaging this part of our brain during a disciplinary moment makes it far more likely that we’ll also be able to conjure up empathy, attuned communication, and even the ability to calm our own reactivity.

(To learn the 10 steps to raising happy kids, click here.)

So we know a lot of ways to defuse conflict — but how do we teach them some valuable life skills and reduce the intensity of the next meltdown?

9) Teach Mindsight Tools

Siegel and Bryson basically mean teaching your kids mindfulness. You want to focus on making sure they learn to not just merely experience their emotions, but also observe their emotions.

Teaching your child to ask, “What is my brain doing right now?” allows them to step back from the chaos going on in their head and study it, versus being consumed by it. You don’t want a child that is overwhelmed by feelings or denies their feelings. You want your kid to notice their feelings — and do something about them.

This teaches them they don’t have to be stuck in a negative mood. They don’t have to be a victim to external events or their whirlwind emotions. With practice they can cope with feelings and take charge of their behavior.

From here:

Brain studies reveal that we actually have two different circuits—an experiencing circuit and an observing circuit. They are different, but each is important, and integrating them means building both and then linking them. We want our kids to not only feel their feelings and sense their sensations, but also to be able to notice how their body feels, to be able to witness their own emotions.

(To learn the 20 simple secrets of happy families, click here.)

Okay, we’ve learned a lot. Let’s round it all up and discover what to do when you screw the above up…

Sum Up

Here’s how neuroscience can help you be an amazing parent:

  • Connect: Communicate comfort, validate feelings, listen and reflect.
  • Reduce Words: Seriously, when have lectures ever worked?
  • Embrace Emotions: All feelings are permitted; all behaviors are not.
  • Describe, Don’t Preach: “All daddy’s shoes are in the refrigerator.”
  • Involve Your Child In The Discipline: “What’s a way to express your anger that doesn’t involve anyone getting 27 stitches?”
  • Reframe A “No” Into A Conditional “Yes”: “Yes, you can watch ‘Toy Story’ for the 400th time — after mommy finishes this wonderful blog post she’s reading.”
  • Emphasize The Positive: Instead of “No whining,” try, “I like it when you talk in your normal voice. Can you say that again?”
  • Creatively Approach The Situation: “I’ll bet I can eat my vegetables faster than you can.”
  • Teach Mindsight Tools: Teach them to notice their emotions. You can’t improve how you deal with something if you’re not aware of it.

You’re not always going to be perfect. (I really hope this did not come as a surprise.) But even your mistakes as a parent can be valuable if you handle them right.

From No-Drama Discipline:

Then they get to see you model how to apologize and make things right. They experience that when there is conflict and argument, there can be repair, and things become good again. This helps them feel safe and not so afraid in future relationships; they learn to trust, and even expect, that calm and connection will follow conflict. Plus, they learn that their actions affect other people’s emotions and behavior. Finally, they see that you’re not perfect, so they won’t expect themselves to be, either.

So it all comes down to “connect and redirect.” And when you screw up, don’t worry. Apologize, make a joke, try again.

You want your kids to know that everyone makes mistakes and that anger doesn’t last forever.

Children need to know that arguments happen — but that doesn’t mean people stop loving you.

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When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed. — Maya Angelou

Can Gratitude Grow in Loss and Grief?

Loss and grief are present as we approach this Thanksgiving, whether it’s the deep-rooted loss of land and culture felt by tribal nations after that first Thanksgiving or the more recent devastating loss of lives, livelihoods, and living spaces across California and our country. Can gratitude grow in these conditions? 

We believe it can.  We see the resiliency of our children, our loved ones, our neighbors, and our communities, and we are grateful for that. We see the outpouring of support for those in need and feel deep gratitude for those who give. May gratefulness nourish the gifts we give and the gifts we receive, be they time, resources, or other support needed to rebuild and renew.

Join us in community for our annual practice designed for self-care and grounded in heartfelt gratitude on November 27, 2018 at 11 am PST.

BK Bose, Founder and Executive Director, is leading a free 20-minute, online practice. Connect with BK via Facebook Live on our Facebook page on November 27, 2018 at 11 am PST. No RSVP necessary and no Facebook account necessary. A recording will be available afterwards.
Giving thanks this season, and thankful for the opportunity to give,
All of Us at Niroga

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Empathy * Equity * Empowerment

Join this community of leaders and build a movement. Over the past 13 years, Niroga Institute has directly served 60,000 students in K-12 schools, and trained 12,000 educators from across the US in Dynamic Mindfulness, who have brought it to an additional 500,000 students.

Join this community of leaders and build a movement!

A FAN{TACHE}TIC Cause: MOvember:

Throughout the month of November, I am supporting my Mission Fed teammates, partnering with FM949 and UC San Diego Health and joining the MOvember Foundation to make an everlasting impact on the face of men’s health.

Pledgers become MissionFedMObros or MissionFedMOsistas and in addition to raising funds to raise awareness of prostate cancer, also commit to encourage men to pay attention to their health and to what their bodies are telling them, emphasize the importance of mental health and its impact on suicide prevention, raise funds for that elusive cure for cancer, encourage men to exercise more; and last but not least GROW ‘STACHES to demonstrate their support for this important cause!

Since its inception in 2003, millions have joined the MOvember movement, raising $710 million to help MOvember fund over 1,200 men’s health projects focusing on prostate cancer, testicular cancer, mental health and suicide prevention.

To learn more about the MOvement or make a direct financial donation to the Mission Fed MO Team, visit: https://mobro.co/missionfedcreditunion

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If you are local:

Earlier this month, Mission Fed served as a sponsor of the annual National Philanthropy Day Awards Celebration, an event that gathers over 1000+ participants, including civic leaders, volunteers, and philanthropists from throughout our region to celebrate the spirit of philanthropy and recognize the great contributors which make San Diego a great community. On every seat, participants were provided copies of San Diego Business Journal’s Giving Guide and San Diego Magazine’s Charitable Giving Guide, two editions that cover the region’s nonprofits and highlight various corporations and foundations that support the area’s change makers.  Mission Fed’s support and partnerships with a variety of local nonprofits were highlighted from Mission Fed ArtWalk to Go Red for Women.

What caught our attention is the article focused on why giving back, from a corporate perspective, matters and why corporate social responsibility (CSR) is a win-win. As you can see, on the right side column, there’s also a section sharing “CSR Superstars” and three local companies that give big. It was awesome to see our name right at the top!

Bravo to all of our collaborative efforts that exemplify leadership in and passion for our community as we strive to make every day National Philanthropy Day in San Diego!

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11.23.18-10Thanks this week go to Conscious Parents and Teachers everywhere, Peter S, the team at Niroga, & Enrique M, Angie L and Cathy S the community relations team at Mission Fed.

Happy Thanksgiving!
Pay it forward with gratitude…
Love,
Neville

Follow me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/NevilleB108
Follow me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nbillimoria

When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed. — Maya Angelou

Your Soul Food for the Week of Veteran’s Day 2018: “The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.”

This week:

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“The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.”—Paul Valery

In Honor of Veteran’s Everywhere…
One Veteran’s Story of Surviving This Little-Known WWWII Tragedy with Courage and Dignity
The honor implicit in John Waller is palpable and this is a deeply touching story that I know you will enjoy
http://www.wbur.org/hereandnow/2018/11/12/leopoldville-tragedy-silent-soldier-john-waller

The complete documentary is fantastic and definitely worth watching!
The Silent Soldier and the Portrait:
One Man. Two Secrets. Seventy Years…
It had me crying several times during the movie which is available online
https://www.thesilentsoldier.com/

“Behind every exquisite things that existed, there was something tragic.” ~ Oscar Wilde

Something for the heart
9 Year old Doing All He Can to Help the Homeless:
https://www.facebook.com/NowThisNews/videos/1974304972653396/

Something for the head
Future Thinkers Podcast: Mitigating Existential Risks
This hour long podcast will really get your attention and make you think hard about our future
Make time for the vital not just the urgent!
https://civilizationemerging.com/future-thinkers-podcast-mitigating-existential-risks/

Thanks this week go to Barbara S/B, Marlaine C, Michael A, & those in service everywhere especially those willing to put their lives on the line for ours.

Please pay it forward!
Love,
Neville

Follow me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/NevilleB108
Follow me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nbillimoria

If you’re scaling towards the power of gods, then you have to have the wisdom and the love of gods, or you’ll self-destruct.”

The Nicest Place in America, Your Diet is not only what you Eat, How to Evade the Leading Cause of Death in the United States & More Soulful Stuff!

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Start by enjoying this divine San Diego Sunset!

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This week while counting our blessings:

May we remember to reach for those farthest behind first, and may you be that very person you needed most when you were younger

“Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth.” – Muhammad Ali

Whatever your reason for being, whether your mission, passion, profession or calling supports it or not, what would happen if for just a short while we all actually focused on the fundamentals (purpose v. ego) and at the same time remembered to hold space for and reach out for those farthest behind first all the while striving to be that person you needed most when you were younger.

Remembering those farthest behind and serving as the voice for those that can’t raise their own is a small price to pay for elevating humanity and advancing the human condition. Depending on your worldview this might rightly include the whole animal kingdom as well as all living systems.

Striving to be that person you needed most when you were younger, ensures our present minded focus is rightly not just on our clear and present needs, but at the same time on future generations and the life we are leaving for them to inhabit and navigate, and on whose behalf we temporarily tend to this tiny blue planet.

 

Could a more conscious form of business change the outcomes?
The Conscious Capitalism movement globally, in alignment with the Chamber of Purpose work we are doing here in San Diego locally, gives voice and agency to the emergence of the next iteration of organized commerce, where a business’s fundamental reason for being is to serve as a force for good and make a positive contribution to society.

At a fundamental level conscious capitalism recognizes the transformative ability and ethical imperative of organizations to contribute to social good expressed far beyond just the single metric of profit.

At its highest manifestations, conscious capitalism behaves into the moral obligation business has to a quadruple bottom line of people, planet, profit AND purpose, where organizational values are not for sale and business leaders and stakeholders alike recognizes the critical role they play in positively shaping the future of our society and hold their organizations accountable to this noble standard.

Practicing at Work: The impact Conscious Capitalism has had on my organization
As a not-for-profit financial service organization, financial performance and social purpose have always defined our meaning of success. With the emergence of conscious capitalism, we now can affirm these values and expand the movement to include purpose-driven organizations of all stripes, as together we created the world we wish to see and in turn leave for future generations.

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You’ve Got to Love It

This Was Just Named the Nicest Place in America!
A Syrian Refugee Falafel Shop in Tennessee…
https://www.upworthy.com/this-syrian-refugee-opened-a-small-falafel-shop-in-tennessee-it-was-just-named-the-nicest-place-in-america?c=upw1

I Am The Jewish Nurse:
The same one that people are talking about in the Pittsburgh shooting that left 11 dead. The trauma nurse in the ER that cared for Robert Bowers who yelled, “Death to all Jews,” as he was wheeled into the hospital. The Jewish nurse who ran into a room to save his life…
https://www.facebook.com/groups/parenting2.0/permalink/10155908829698061/

 

Common Sense, Uncommon Practice
How to Evade the Leading Cause of Death in the United States:
The good news is that there are some simple things you can do to avoid becoming a statistic, and they start right in your own home…
https://www.cnn.com/2018/10/29/health/unintentional-injuries-basic-safety/index.html

 

Scientists Just Laid Out Plans to Solve Climate Change. We Aren’t On Track to do Any of Them:
A landmark U.N. report offers both a glimmer of hope and a giant warning. Scientists and policymakers have the knowhow to address climate change and stave off some of the worst effects of the phenomenon, but political leaders are nowhere close to fully undertaking any of these steps, the report shows. Scientists on the Nobel Prize-winning Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) point to a global temperature rise of 1.5°C as a threshold the planet cannot cross without seeing the worst effects of climate change. Yet according to the U.N. organization’s latest report, temperatures have already risen 1°C as a result of human activity, and the planet could pass the 1.5°C threshold as early as 2030 if greenhouse gas emissions continue at the current rate. http://time.com/5418134/ipcc-climate-change-report-2030-crisis/

When is Enough is Enough when it comes to gun violence:
Maura Binkley, victim in Tallahassee yoga studio shooting, ‘just wanted to help other people’
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2018/11/03/victim-yoga-shooting-tallahassee-maura-binkley/1874148002/

“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die” – Anonymous

 Yoga Has Healing Powers:
The more we learn about yoga, the more we realize the benefits aren’t all in the minds of the 20 million or so devotees in the U.S. Yoga helps people to relax, making the heart rate go down, which is great for those with high blood pressure. The poses help increase flexibility and strength, bringing relief to back pain sufferers. In the largest study of yoga that used biological measures to assess results, it seems that those meditative sun salutations and downward dog poses can reduce inflammation, the body’s way of reacting to injury or irritation.
https://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2014/02/140207-yoga-cancer-inflammation-stress/?fbclid=IwAR3XN-aUIkxkXgNk1dCvcJzGu-x3ucEHT5ZQLQNeBQopRQ9BzMTdA4Pog8g

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Thanks this week go to Marlaine C, Barbara S-B, Charles B, and All of Yee Who Fight for What’s Right~

Please pay it forward with purpose!
Love,
Neville

Follow me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/NevilleB108
Follow me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nbillimoria

“Don’t cry because it is over, smile because it happened.” – Dr Seuss

Practicing Inclusion, Fighting Fair @ Home, Learning Disability/Difference Month, Being Sensitive is a Good Thing & Fostering a Love of Humanity

This week:

Practicing Inclusion, Fighting Fair @ Home, Learning Disability/Difference Month, Being Sensitive is a Good Thing & Fostering a Love of Humanity

The Anne Frank Center Responds to the Pittsburgh Massacre:11.02.18-1

HOPE, COURAGE, AND HUMANITY’S ROLE: ANNE FRANK’S VOICE STILL SPEAKS TO CURRENT TRAGEDY

(New York, NY, October 29, 2018) – The rhetoric since Saturday’s massacre has been unsurprising, as people naturally seek an explanation for the inexplicable violence that erupted in Pittsburgh.  For example, the president’s son, Eric Trump, lamented that “somebody has to point a political finger to absolutely everything,” with others calling for a softening of tone and divisiveness “on both sides.” There are not two sides to this. There is only one. And it is hate.

The Anne Frank Center responds that it’s hard to identify a human act that doesn’t have political import, and in this case an American citizen  blamed an entire ethnic group for a perceived – yet unfounded – political threat, fearing that Jewish people were committing genocide and that he must stop them.

Seventy-four years ago, Anne Frank observed that “there’s a destructive urge in people, the urge to rage, murder and kill.” That a 14-year-old observed such tragedy is heartbreaking. The massacre of 11 innocent people at the Tree of Life Synagogue is a devastating reminder of much we share with past generations.

Hatred still pits neighbor against neighbor; elected officials still speak of unity in one breath yet inspire aggression moments later; parents still struggle to shield our children from the horrors of evil and to teach them to maintain peace and respect for their fellow humans.

“I don’t believe that the war is simply the work of politicians and capitalists. Oh no, the common man is every bit as guilty,” Anne said. She called on individuals to recognize their role in either promoting or preventing hostility. Today, the Anne Frank Center for Mutual Respect calls on every individual to recognize their role and to see that we’re in the midst of a battle for our own humanity.

Condemning anti-Semitism is not enough, when the government codifies discrimination and fights for the right to deny protection from harm. Condemning violence is not enough, when we encourage it with criticisms of colleagues and opponents as “enemies.” Occasional words are not enough. We need consistency in leadership and a commitment to civility in every town, every classroom and every capitol building throughout the country.

If Anne Frank’s words have taught us anything it is that actions and language matter.

Volunteers and educators with the Anne Frank Center teach children and community members how to respect our differences, understand cultures, and resolve our conflicts peacefully. We must conquer intolerance through conversation and compassion. As Anne Frank said, “The final forming of a person’s character lies in their hands.”

How we respond to this hate lies in our hands.

We teach the dangers of intolerance through Anne Frank’s diary, educational workshops, performances, and exhibits, including outreach responding to the massacre in Pittsburgh. Visit https://www.annefrank.com/ for more information.

 

Why Practicing Inclusion in the Workplace is Important (and in life too!) with George R:
In light of the recent events in Pittsburgh, I felt compelled to share today’s post about inclusion.  The world is a crazy place and that’s why practicing inclusion and having compassion matter more than ever.  Not only do we set our own standards for our behavior, but we influence others including our co-workers, family, and kids.  Our behavior matters and can change lives…
https://careergladiators.com/2018/10/inclusion

 

October ended this week and was Learning Disability Awareness Month which raises awareness for the 1 in 5 students across the country who have a learning disability.  As of last year, 6.7 million students between the ages of 3-21 received special education with 34% of students being officially diagnosed.

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Made By Dyslexia:

Dyslexic minds process information differently. Their divergent, lateral thinking has created some of the world’s greatest inventions, brands and art. Yet dyslexia is still perceived as a disadvantage.
Schools aren’t designed for dyslexic thinking, and most teachers aren’t trained in dyslexia, meaning many go through life without knowing they’re dyslexic.

high sensitivity

Dyslexic minds process information differently, creatively. Naturally curious, highly creative with an ability to unconventionally connect the dots and think laterally. But this different way of thinking often results in challenges with traditional learning and processing; with literacy, memorizing facts and organizing thoughts. So traditional benchmarks in both education and employment, often accentuate these challenges and miss the strengths.
But the world has changed.
The 4th Industrial revolution with advanced technology and increased connectivity has created new industries, new business models, new jobs, and entirely new skills. We now need creative thinkers to make sense of the change and disruption. We need dyslexic thinking.
By taking this pledge, businesses, educators and governments are committing to value and support dyslexic thinking and recognize its importance in the fast changing world.

MADE BY DYSLEXIA PLEDGE:
(invite your workplace to take the pledge)

We will endeavor to:
Recognize dyslexia as a different and valuable way of thinking.
Understand the importance of identifying each dyslexic and their pattern of strengths and challenges.
Support which is targeted to enable dyslexics to harness their strengths and flourish.

 We’ll achieve this through:
Knowledge skilling up staff in schools and workplaces to recognize, understand and support dyslexia.
Discover using digital screeners which make it easy and cost effective to check if you’re dyslexic.
Adjustments in tests and assignments so dyslexics can demonstrate their full knowledge and skills.

8 Reasons Being Highly Sensitive Is Actually a Good Thing:

Don’t be so sensitive — it’s not that big of a deal. As someone who’s come to appreciate my sensitive side, I find it unfortunate that being sensitive is often equated with being weak or dramatic.

Sensitivity is wrongly depicted as an undesirable trait, while nonchalance is mistaken for a sign of strength. While I do agree it’s important to recognize your high sensitivity and find ways to make it work for you — rather than against you — it’s not inherently bad to be sensitive.

In fact, there are many overlooked benefits to being a highly sensitive person. Here are eight of them. https://highlysensitiverefuge.com/being-highly-sensitive-good-thing/

 

This Is the Best Way To Fight With Your Partner, According to Psychologists
TIME

When it comes to relationships, conflict is inevitable. But it doesn’t have to be emotionally distressing or callous. Couples can disagree and, yes, even fight while still showing compassion and respect for each other, according to psychologists. In fact, clinical psychologist Deborah Grody says, married couples who don’t have any conflict are often the ones who end in divorce. “Relationships that can’t be saved are relationships where the flame has completely gone out, or it wasn’t there in the Read the full story

 

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Culture Report

Culture Report: What Arts Can Teach Scientists, and Vice-Versa

By Julia Dixon Evans on Oct. 23, 2018 | View in browser

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U.S. Poet Laureate Juan Felipe Herrera with UCSD Arts and Humanities Dean Cristina Della Coletta. / Image courtesy of Farshid Bazmandegan, UC San Diego Division of Arts and Humanities

This year, UC San Diego’s Institute of Arts and Humanities received its largest-ever National Endowment for the Humanities  award. The $750,000 matching grant  will help fund the 2-year-old institute’s new home, which broke ground this past June. UCSD is one of the first institutions to receive this particular funding.

“They’re going to use our proposal as a model for others in the future,” said Cristina Della Coletta, dean of UCSD’s Division of Arts and Humanities, which encompasses the institute.

It’s hard to discuss the arts at UCSD without also questioning what it means for arts to exist in a science-centric institution, but Della Coletta wants to overcome that “either/or” assumption. Rather than pitting science against the arts, she hopes the institute will help UCSD to “educate the whole individual.”

“The arts and humanities have a lot to offer the sciences,” Della Coletta said. “We need more humanists.”

The new building will be the first endeavor in UCSD history to bring all the humanities together, and the hope is to not only proliferate a more cohesive curricula and collaboration among the faculty, but also stronger public programming. And with it, a unified approach to receiving funding.

It’s paying off so far.

Luis Alvarez, director of the Institute of Arts and Humanities and a professor of history, used additional UC funding to develop a new oral storytelling initiative, The Race and Oral History Project, dedicated to preserving San Diego’s diverse stories.

Launched this spring, the project engages undergrads from diverse communities in San Diego to document — and learn from — their oral histories. Working with community partners like Casa Familiar in San Ysidro, The New Children’s Museum, CHE’LU and United Women of East Africa, students learn technologies and skills required to collaborate, converse and record stories, archiving them  online.

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From a parking lot to the new home for UCSD’s Institute of Arts and Humanities. / Photo by Anthony King

“Libraries are often driven to collect, preserve and disseminate forms of knowledge that are deemed ‘authoritative’ or ‘significant’ by institutional decision makers,” said Erin Glass, UCSD’s digital scholarship librarian who assists with the race and oral history project. “It’s an exciting example of the value of participatory, community-based archives that highlight perspectives often excluded by institutions.”

While culture thrives on San Diego’s university campuses, few community members bother to drive and park there, so it’s harder to engage the larger community. The Institute of Arts and Humanities aims to change that. “We’ve really tried to mark IAH as an institute that can put UCSD out in the communities of San Diego,” said Alvarez, “and bring those communities to UC San Diego in ways in which they may not always have done, historically.”

In addition to the race and oral history project, the institute is presenting these community programs in the fall:

  • An Oct. 24 film screening and discussion: “Singing Our Way to Freedom,” with Paul Espinoza, on Chunky Sanchez and the music of San Diego’s Chicano civil rights movement

A Nov. 14 discussion: “Beyond the Wall: The Aftermath of Deportation in Mexico,” featuring members of Otros Dreams in Accion

If you are local…

 Please Remember to Vote Next Week!
Here is a resource to help you make sense of the mongo ballot…
https://www.kpbs.org/news/election/ 

Every day is National Philanthropy Day in San Diego but the Official Celebration is this coming Monday!
Hope to see you there…
Learn more about some of the honorees here and remember they represent all the great work we All are doing to make this America’s Kindest and most Purposeful Region

Thanks this week go to George R, John C, Marlaine C, and advocates of Inclusion and Humanity Everywhere!
Please pay it forward
Love,
Neville

Follow me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/NevilleB108
Follow me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nbillimoria

‘The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.’- Mark Twain